How do we hold this?

Uff da. 

That’s my cultural (Scandinavian immigrant) utterance for Oy Vey, Ay Caramba, Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit. 

What we are living is not what we have been living. 

I don’t think it will ever be the same again. 

I grieve the loss of pride and safety in my national identity.  

I wonder how to raise kids in a context that is shifting and will be nothing like the stable ground I grew up in.  

My mind gets overwhelmed alternately trying to take in or shut out the news. 

My heart vacillates between feeling sadness for how humans are treating other humans and the pure innocence and comic relief of my 3 year old “So, Mom, is chocolate made of chocolate chips?” as he snacks on a few in the back seat. 

And around all that, I still have to cook dinner and plan the weekend. 

 I keep asking myself: How do I hold this? Is it ok to shut something out? How do I see and not let it crush me?

When I wallow in despair or list all the horrible things again (and again) it’s unhelpful for my mood and ability to show up as mother, neighbor, friend. And a total blinders approach feels heartless and wrong as well. 

So, what’s the alternative? How do we hold the duality? Big picture chaos and being present to delightful moments? Monumental shifts in policy and precedents with mundane choices and picnic suppers at the lake while the sun shines late? 

I don’t know but I’m trying. I think the key is something like really caring for my inner self. Connecting and rooting into my awareness of my body even if it's just a mind exercise at first. Keep visualizing a connection to the Earth, the Divine/Creator/Source and just say that I choose to ignore dread and focus first on love and faith. 

The idea of spheres of control continues to help me, too; all I can do is control that inner most circle…although even control seems lofty to say. Perhaps it’s more CURATE.  What can I curate within myself?    

I can:  

• take care to nurture certain thoughts 

• amplify the love for those around me by seeing it, naming it and sharing it out loud 

• search for humanity and that of God (as the Quakers say) in others

• choose calm and breathing rather than catastrophe and doomscrolling.

 And you? 

 What can you curate within your own inner sphere? 

I want to believe that all this breaking leads to a new creation. That it’s revealing stuff we need to see so that we can change from the roots.    

I try to hold that. 

And uff da. That takes a lot of energy and mind-training. I’m using willpower all over the place and it’s a lot. It is hard to hold this complexity and to curate within. 

How is it going for you?  What are the unique set of variables in your life that make a difference in how you hold this all?